he is so much better than me! comparing in mumbai

A week in Mumbai. Contrasts, colour, spices, Bollywood songs, heat, Indian ocean. Wonderful participants in our two day training for the Ariel Group. Wonderful colleagues who flew in from Europe and Australia to deliver this training to four groups of 8 people in parallel. We go for dinner the night before, we discuss how to run this, what would be best, we exchange tips. We are professionals, colleagues, friends. 

9 a.m. the next day, we start. My training room is next to Martin's  and the sound proofing is really bad -  I can hear a lot of what he says with his resonant voice. And I can hear his group laugh. And laugh again. And laugh again. Cheerful, active, engaged group. 

Suddenly, it is here! Comparison! Martin must be a better facilitator than myself! He makes them laugh right from the beginning. His group is active already while in my group we have not even introduced each other. And we have not laughed! I am so boring! Martin is so entertaining! He is better! I am worse! 

In one of the interviews I am doing for this creativity project, Victor, a performer, meditator and teacher, has summed this up beautifully, when we were talking about obstacles to creativity: 

"But another obstacle is all the other stuff  where my mind tends to go and that makes me suffer. Like comparing myself to others. Or being caught up in the questions of "how successful am I", "how well-known am I?" "am I on a good career track"? When I see people being very successful like - am I doing enough, am I doing ok? So that whole what I would call a pattern of suffering in the mind is another obstacle to creativity. That when I'm in that mindset of comparing or jealousy or grasping after more money or fame or whatever it is, that's the opposite of creativity.

And right, it's a direct parallel to the performance mind of - I'm on stage and what I'm worried about is the audiences' approval. Like: "is what I'm doing good enough"? That's performance mind. So yes, this is the direct day to day life analogy to performance mind. 

The opposite is "being mind", because being mind is creativity. Being mind is being open to what's actually present. So, when I'm open to my senses, when I'm open to my thoughts and emotions. That's the essence of creativity, then all channels are open, I'm informed by everything and inspired by everything and I can create endlessly. I am letting in all of these things and there's no lack of inspiration.  It's just letting in what's already there."

So, back in Mumbai, I do two things - first, on a very practical level, I ask the organizers to change the room, and indeed we manage to get a better room after the break. In the remaining hour, I take this as an exercise in the "being mind" versus "comparing mind". I tell myself things like: "I have a different style from Martin, maybe my group will laugh later (he who laughs later laughs best), or: "this is not about laughing but about learning". Mostly, I just breathe deeply and connect with the participants. Through all this, after some time, I do not hear Martin's group any more. 

The funny thing? When we meet in the evening over a delicious palaak paneer and daal and biryani and all the other things on the buffet table, Martin shares with me that he went through the same process - why does Eva's group laugh more than mine? 

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